The problem with female masturbation, as I've mentioned before, is how little dialogue there is on the subject. Take this story as an example. It's about the risks of unusual masturbation methods and even talks about a medical condition (traumatic masturbatory syndrome). I got all excited before finding out that the scientific study the author cites focuses exclusively on men. The writer poses some questions about how this study might affect masturbators of the female persuasion, but I'm hesitant to apply male-specific research to women. As we all know, often studies that conclude one thing about the male physique will work completely differently when applied to women's bodies. It's important to have our own studies on our own bodies.
But in the meantime, let's go beyond posing questions and possibilities and offer up some personal experiences. Are there risks for women who masturbate in certain positions?
My favourite solitary sexual position is on my back - yes, basically the missionary position with my legs high in the air. That position didn't cause me any problem for a long time - but then I developed an injury from it. I was in a lot of pain - while masturbating as well as in my day-to-day life - for nearly a year, and it took another year for it to heal. I was okay to walk and do most things, but when it was at its worst, I couldn't lift my right leg higher than a few inches.
This happened most obviously one day when I was visiting my dad. The truck he had at the time was very high off the ground, and getting into the passenger seat, I literally could not pick my leg up high enough to pull it in. I had gotten myself on the seat with my left leg, but my right leg dangled out of the side of the truck, limp. I tried to pull it up a few times with my own muscles, but my leg would go up an inch or two and no more. My solution was to awkwardly use both my hands to pull my right leg into the truck.
This had looked very strange to my dad, I'm sure, so I decided to say something. Something very very vague. I told him I'd developed an injury from something and wasn't sure what to do about it. My dad suggested stopping the action that was causing the injury, and I just smiled inwardly - there are many things I would give up in order to have a happy, working body, but regular masturbation is certainly NOT one of them!
The changes I did make were to favour my left leg - let that one fly high in the air, and try to prop my right leg and hip up with pillows. Or let my right leg lay flat for most of my session (which can last from 10-60 minutes), just bringing it up for a couple of minutes at a time to help me achieve clitoral orgasm. (Yes, I really do need to be in that exact position - missionary with both legs in the air - to climax. It makes masturbation while travelling VERY complicated, let me tell you!)
That's really all I did, and it must have worked, because after a year I was no longer in pain. For another year or so I noticed that the right leg would get sore if it was held up too long, and so I would compensate, but for the last couple of years I've experienced no pain and the leg is fine being held in the air for long periods of time.
The healing of this injury baffles me, as I feel too shy to talk about it with anyone but I'm very curious about what was going on and why it has healed so well. Did my muscle just eventually get stronger and now it can hold that weight more easily? Did my stomach muscles strengthen so that I'm using those more instead of relying on my legs?
I wonder how many other women have experienced these silent injuries they don't feel they can talk about. Are there certain positions more prone to causing injury than others? Can women develop "traumatic masturbatory syndrome," and if so, how is it different than the male version, and what can we do to prevent it?
In my case, I don't think the missionary position would be considered an "unusual masturbation method" for women, yet I did develop an injury from it. I doubt it would fit the description of "traumatic masturbatory syndrome," but it does raise questions about masturbation injuries in general.
I have many friends who have injured themselves while having partner sex, and they go so far as to brag about it (a friend of mine broke his ribs while having sex in the shower!), but I don't know anyone who would brag about a masturbation injury. How about we start a trend?
"Hey, Jane, guess what? I sprained my wrist last night, but it was SO worth it. Best orgasm I've ever had!"
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Not as simple as a dirty sock
When I first discovered female ejaculate, I feared it was urine.
It took a women's-only masturbation mailing list to tell me that, no, the liquid wetting my bed while I enthusiastically inserted my vibrator was definitely NOT pee. At that point I had suspected as much, since my last experience was that I had run to the washroom right after masturbating, thinking, "Well, if I still have to pee..." The women on the mailing list confirmed it, and I've been struggling with how to pleasure myself regularly without ruining sheets and mattresses ever since.
Female masturbation is messy business. Men complain - brag, really - about how messy their own ejaculate is. There are numerous jokes about 'the wet spot' on the bed after partner sex, and I've known men to complain that they have to think about how to clean up after themselves after they jerk off. Well, hey, at least they can easily do so in the shower, or with a sock - those are some great solutions we've seen poked fun at in popular culture. And anyway, who says the wet spot on the bed came from a man?
The truth is, as a woman who ejaculates, our worries are much, much bigger and more pronounced. There are no raunchy movies with slap stick comedy scenes that, while potentially humiliating, might present me with a manageable solution to my ongoing problem. This topic isn't talked about in the wider culture. In fact, I don't think I've talked to anyone *ever* about this topic. So here I am, writing about it to myself on my own modest blog. You gotta start somewhere, right?
Actually, that's not true. I remember talking about this to some women on the masturbation mailing list. That was over 5 years ago now, and it died about 6 months after I got active, but other than some interesting talks with close friends, it serves as my only contact with other frank, masturbating females. To be honest, though, many of the women there intimidated me. If they were to be believed, they masturbated 20 times a day, were masturbating while talking to me right now, and if they did 'wet the bed' they reveled in it and weren't ashamed of the mess it made. No, it was cool, it was hot, and they didn't need to worry about it.
An admirable attitude, but in the practical day-to-day, give me a break. I'm not going to come all over my sheets and not wash them - so do I wash them once a day? I'm not going to come all over my mattress - what the hell do you do with that? Yuck. The stains that show my mistaken splashes are bad enough, let alone vigorously letting myself go at it as often as I want, whenever I want.
Maybe they didn't really know what I meant. Perhaps they thought I meant a teaspoon of liquid - annoying, perhaps, but not exactly alarming. No, no. I really do mean gushing torrents. I can soak half a large towel in a few minutes. Really. I am NOT doing that damage to my mattress!
So what has been my solution? I used to routinely drag out the trusty towel and a large plastic bag. Put the plastic bag down first, then the towel, and position myself accordingly. That would get most of the gush, and you just have a towel to clean in the morning.
I got tired of doing that regularly. Complicated by the fact that when I let myself gush - i.e. use the toy that gloriously targets my g-spot - I want to be LOUD, and that's very hard to hold back on even if you have housemates sleeping nearby. So the last few years I've let myself do this less and less, and it's frustrating. I settle on clitoral stimulation with a small vibrator, with some satisfying insertion, but it's not to the level that I need or desire.
So you can now better understand when I say: I am really envious of guys who can just jerk off in the shower and wash the mess away, or whip a sock over themselves and daintily hide the evidence in literal and metaphorical dirty laundry.
It took a women's-only masturbation mailing list to tell me that, no, the liquid wetting my bed while I enthusiastically inserted my vibrator was definitely NOT pee. At that point I had suspected as much, since my last experience was that I had run to the washroom right after masturbating, thinking, "Well, if I still have to pee..." The women on the mailing list confirmed it, and I've been struggling with how to pleasure myself regularly without ruining sheets and mattresses ever since.
Female masturbation is messy business. Men complain - brag, really - about how messy their own ejaculate is. There are numerous jokes about 'the wet spot' on the bed after partner sex, and I've known men to complain that they have to think about how to clean up after themselves after they jerk off. Well, hey, at least they can easily do so in the shower, or with a sock - those are some great solutions we've seen poked fun at in popular culture. And anyway, who says the wet spot on the bed came from a man?
The truth is, as a woman who ejaculates, our worries are much, much bigger and more pronounced. There are no raunchy movies with slap stick comedy scenes that, while potentially humiliating, might present me with a manageable solution to my ongoing problem. This topic isn't talked about in the wider culture. In fact, I don't think I've talked to anyone *ever* about this topic. So here I am, writing about it to myself on my own modest blog. You gotta start somewhere, right?
Actually, that's not true. I remember talking about this to some women on the masturbation mailing list. That was over 5 years ago now, and it died about 6 months after I got active, but other than some interesting talks with close friends, it serves as my only contact with other frank, masturbating females. To be honest, though, many of the women there intimidated me. If they were to be believed, they masturbated 20 times a day, were masturbating while talking to me right now, and if they did 'wet the bed' they reveled in it and weren't ashamed of the mess it made. No, it was cool, it was hot, and they didn't need to worry about it.
An admirable attitude, but in the practical day-to-day, give me a break. I'm not going to come all over my sheets and not wash them - so do I wash them once a day? I'm not going to come all over my mattress - what the hell do you do with that? Yuck. The stains that show my mistaken splashes are bad enough, let alone vigorously letting myself go at it as often as I want, whenever I want.
Maybe they didn't really know what I meant. Perhaps they thought I meant a teaspoon of liquid - annoying, perhaps, but not exactly alarming. No, no. I really do mean gushing torrents. I can soak half a large towel in a few minutes. Really. I am NOT doing that damage to my mattress!
So what has been my solution? I used to routinely drag out the trusty towel and a large plastic bag. Put the plastic bag down first, then the towel, and position myself accordingly. That would get most of the gush, and you just have a towel to clean in the morning.
I got tired of doing that regularly. Complicated by the fact that when I let myself gush - i.e. use the toy that gloriously targets my g-spot - I want to be LOUD, and that's very hard to hold back on even if you have housemates sleeping nearby. So the last few years I've let myself do this less and less, and it's frustrating. I settle on clitoral stimulation with a small vibrator, with some satisfying insertion, but it's not to the level that I need or desire.
So you can now better understand when I say: I am really envious of guys who can just jerk off in the shower and wash the mess away, or whip a sock over themselves and daintily hide the evidence in literal and metaphorical dirty laundry.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
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