Sometimes I masturbate to reinforce a decision I've made. In that way, it's kind of like a prayer or some message to my subconscious or the universe - that I'm committed to this change of mind and I'm directing my intense sexual energy via this orgasm toward the fulfilment of it.
Today my commitment was toward not being such a schmuck when it comes to cute guys - to not be so tongue-tied around a crush to the point where I bolt from the room even when I have the PERFECT opportunity to talk to them. Guy who's interested in me? *flees* I'm sick of that pattern, and ready to embrace the big, scary world of opening myself up to another person. I am NOT in junior high anymore, and there's no crowd of tittering guy friends who are going to laugh when he tells them how lame I am.
I really, really would like to open my bedroom up to someone else at some point. So I prayed to the universe to let me no longer be afraid of my own sexuality in relation to another; to be calm and relatively collected around a crush; to let myself be vulnerable by actively inviting another person into my life, for however brief an instant.
And the orgasm? Fucking amazing. This shit works.
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1 comment:
what a beautiful thought :) I wish you the best of luck in achieving your desires - chron
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