Making Waves

Backpacking & masturbation

2010-12-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

I just tried Googling "backpacking and female masturbation," but didn't find much. I wanted information on the challenges of masturbating while backpacking and female, and to find strategies for how to sneak in what self-nookie you can. I *did* find a rather entertaining and insightful blog post about male masturbation while backpacking. There wasn't much on that topic either, though.

Then I thought, well, why not just post about travelling and female masturbation myself?

A few years ago I went on a backpacking trip for a month and a half. At that point I had backpacked across Canada, but I had never been outside of North America. Before I left for my trip, I asked a friend with a lot of travel experience: what do about masturbating? At that point I was doing it almost every day. My friend told me not to worry, that I'll be so busy doing exciting new things that I won't think about it at all.

Boy. Was. She. Ever. Wrong.

The urgency of my sex drive did NOT change, and I found myself in hostels and on trains with next-to-no privacy and a really, really itchy clit. How did I manage for those 6 weeks?

- I put a towel on the floor of single bathrooms in my hostels and just went at it (quickly, no time for leisure here)

- While travelling briefly with a friend and staying in the same hotel rooms, I took advantage of the few minutes she was in the shower

- Again travelling with that friend, a couple of days I begged off and stayed in the hotel room while she went to a museum. I took advantage of my privacy and was leisurely and loud. Glorious!

- One night I couldn't find a hostel and had to rent a hotel room. Again, I took advantage of my privacy.

- Beyond that, I just crossed my legs and waited it out. It was fucking hard.

I was sorely (hah) tempted to try masturbating in my hostel room during the day while people were out, but I was scared of someone walking in. I think *one* time I did sneak a quicky in, but I was so nervous I didn't enjoy it much.

Recently I watched a great backpacking documentary called A Map for Saturday. At one point it talked about sex in hostels, and shared the tip (which I knew about for sleeping, but not for sex!) of putting sheets around the lower bunk so you're tented in before you go at it. I might try that next time -- if the room is empty when I start (and I have lots of sheets, of course), at least if someone were to walk in at least there would be a bit of modesty.

What brings me back to this question of how to manage to masturbate while travelling is the fact that I'm considering long-term travel again (much longer this time!), and I know this will be a issue for me. My sex drive has diminished a bit and I seem to be able to control it to some extent (neglect it and it will be neglected; encourage it and it will blossom back up like nobody's bidness -- kind of convenient, actually).

My ideas to sneaking in masturbation on the road so far are:

- Find single bathrooms. They're the only privacy you really have while travelling, so bring a towel or a dirty top to put down and then go to 'er.

- Snag lower bunks in empty hostel rooms and string a sheet up for privacy. Preferably in a smaller room during the day so there's fewer chances of a walk-in. And if that does happen, causally get up a few minutes later and act nonchalant when the person comes to the realization that no-one else was in there with you OMG.

- Take advantage of any private moments you have. Forced to rent a hotel room? Sweet! Laundry in the tub *AND* rubbing one out at leisure! Friend in the shower? Well, okay, only if you're really desperate. Alone in a popular museum exhibit? Probably don't want to risk it...

- Rent a hotel room once in a while just for the hell of it. Backpacking is a lifestyle, not a vacation, and it's quite exhausting and stressful (although exhilerating!). A break once in a while is welcome. Sleep in, masturbate loudly, do your laundry in the tub, watch strange TV shows from the country you're in. Sweet!

What are your ideas for managing your sexual well-being while on the road? What experiences have you had with masturbation while travelling? Please share! Maybe the next time someone Googles "backpacking and female masturbation," they'll stumble across some good advice!

The egg vibe

2010-03-15T20:13:00.001-07:00

Vibrators have always been my favourite toy. Ever since I won a vibrator at a sex-toy party, there's been no turning back.

That first vibe was a bullet or egg-shaped vibrator. It was a little vibrating egg with a long wire attaching it to a rectangular box for the batteries. One time I bought what I thought was the same vibrator, but it actually was more bullet and less egg (thinner with a narrow tip rather than oval and broader tip pictured here). I didn't like the bullet nearly as much - I found there was too much intensity in the small tip for me.

I've since moved on to the longer style of vibrator - the ones that can be 5-7 inches of solid plastic. I'd always had these as a less satisfying backup to the egg vibe, and I did like that they doubled as insertion tools. But at first I found their size clunky in my hand and difficult to hold. Looking back now, I'm not actually sure why I stopped using the egg vibes, but I suspect I had a hard time finding the style I preferred in stores. (I've used online shopping from time to time to order my toys, but I prefer to buy them at local sex shops.)

I did try the egg vibe once more about a year ago, and I fell in love once again. This model was bright red and I felt like a retro goddess diva using it. (Oh, marketing.) I bought it because I was in a relationship at the time, and I was hoping the egg-and-cord style would allow for some hands-off vibrating action for me while we had intercourse. Unfortunately I think this is what led to its untimely demise. After using it like this a few times, the cord become frayed and the vibration stopped working altogether. The friction from our bodies was too much for the poor thing.

But it was still very useful in its afterlife. I kept the now-detached egg in my lover's bedside drawer, and used it when I needed that final polishing-off after sex. (I'd rarely found non-vibrating surfaces effective for me, but in the presence of my lover -- and often with his eager assistance -- I found the little hollow egg was equally effective whether vibrating or not.

Now it's back to the longer vibrators. Maybe one weakness I have for the longer ones is their versatility - they act as a dildo in a pinch (and lately I've found that they can hit my g-spot if I'm really turned on!) and are a very cheap and accessible vibrator. I will always remember the egg vibrators with fondness, though -- and when I do buy another one, I will keep it for solo sex this time!

Housekeeping

2010-03-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

After getting many spammy comments for about two months now, I've changed the comment settings for this blog. You can still comment anonymously (I feel that is important for a topic like this) but now comments are moderated (and you will have to prove you are human), so that should cut down on the spam. I've also deleted all the comment spam.

And guess what I found? Real comments! From real people, I mean. They all started coming in (both the real comments as well as the spammy comments) January of this year, so I don't know what happened to route traffic to this blog after it's been inactive for, what, two years now? But, welcome. I'm glad you're enjoying the posts archived here. I started this blog as a writing project, one that is now on the back burner while I work on another (non-sexual) one. I would like to return to this one at some point.

Meanwhile, to keep this post on topic, I'll give you a brief sexual update: After an intense but ultimately unfulfilling relationship, I've been slowly recovering my old sexual self. I haven't had partner sex for almost a year now. I miss it. I do think I (almost) made up for my ten years without partner sex in those months, and that was nice. Since the breakup I haven't been very interested in masturbation. For the most part, it has acted as a release when the tension builds up, but it doesn't have the same lustre (or fulfillment) as it held for me before. In the last month or so, I have been playing more, feeling my libido wake up more. I sense that, come spring, I will be in a spring-like mood. :) But relationships and partner sex continue to scare me -- I love sex but I have experienced much sexual assault, too. Seeking sex outside of the confines of a committed, monogamous relationship is a threatening thing to me. I do hope that I am able to find some middle ground, though, as I miss partner sex very much and at the moment have no appetite for another relationship. In the meantime, I'll start my own explorations once again.

Update of sorts

2008-03-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post, I know. I've been kind of...overwhelmed with all the new feelings and sensations. Let's just say I have LOTS to post about, and yes even masturbation-related.

I've never really been good at understanding relationships, let alone how to pursue one and make one work. I have always been better at the fooling around part (meaning fooling around, not sex; I actually have very little experience with actual intercourse). The physical part just seems so much ... simpler to me. Straight-forward. Maybe part of that is that, even with low self-esteem, I've always recognized the feedback I have gotten from men that they find me to be pretty and sexually attractive. So maybe that helps to explain my confidence and comfort in that area. Perhaps other women have the opposite experience, feeling more confident in their ability to hold a conversation or 'woo' someone intellectually than feeling comfortable touching or holding or bumping nasties. And I am quite capable of holding conversations and wowing people with my intellectual prowess, but when it comes to people I am interested in, insecurity rears its ugly head. And so conversation becomes more stilted; he says things that hurt me and yet I bite my tongue and can't find the words to speak up for myself; I know I really like this person and I want to get to know them better, their thoughts and fears and opinions and joys. And yet I'd rather cuddle and fool around, because the talking is scarier, more fraught with complexities and maybe-this-won't-work-out and potential for failure.

This is the hard part.

Just add sex!

2008-03-02T15:40:00.001-08:00

So, one of the premises of this blog of mine is that I have not had many two-person sexual experiences as of late, and so I find my own enjoyment and fulfilment in self-pleasuring. I did wonder what would happen to that premise when I started to date/fool around/have sex again. Probably not much, I figured, but it would definitely change the "story" here. But that's okay. Lives change, evolve. And seeing partner sex/fooling around from the perspective of someone who's relied on her own hand to regularly get her off for over a decade - well, I think that's pretty damn interesting too.

That all said - I have had a good weekend. :) Some observations:

1) The boy was really impressed with the way I moved my body, my pelvis, and was REALLY amazed at how incredibly wet I got. He said I was incredibly soft, and he just liked touching me there, that it was an amazing feeling. I've noticed that in myself before - the fact that I can become incredibly engorged and soft (it feels like petting a bunny's head, I've observed before). This doesn't happen all the time, but when I am REALLY turned on, which I guess means I like him. ;) But I never really thought about how I compared to other women. It is true that my level of wetness/softness (when I am *really* turned on) is another level beyond normal female wetness. I wonder if that's a level any woman can achieve, but due to sexual repression (etc) most haven't, or if I'm one of the special few. Like, most women don't squirt, but I do; is that something all women should be able to do if only they were comfortable enough to explore themselves that way? I don't know.

2) I was REALLY impressed with my flexibility and ease of movement. I've been doing a yoga CD lately that I give all the credit to. It's really light yoga, but it's like it gets out all the stiffness and creakiness. I also get really sore when I masturbate (like my favourite position - missionary, haha - exercises my stomach/leg muscles really well, and stresses my legs a bit), and was impressed that after a weekend of fooling around, my legs weren't sore. I guess it wasn't like I was in the same position for a whole hour, doing all the work myself.

3) At one point when he was (what's a less junior-high way of saying "fingering me"?), I reached down and started rubbing my clit. He grinned like a Cheshire cat, seriously, and kept saying how hot it was. Finally I asked why he thought it was so hot, and he said, "I like teamwork." After a moment's consideration, I told him, "I have more teamwork at home." Hee. He hasn't met my toys yet!

4) I really loved the physical touch and emotional closeness. That's something, obviously, which is missing from masturbation. (Though just the act of physically touching and emotionally being close to yourself would be revolutionary for many women, but I'm past that stage myself.) I would never give up self-loving for partner stuff (as if there needs to be a choice), but they make for GREAT compliments. Yum.

More observations may be forthcoming. There's a lot to process here for me. The boy, in general, was saying I was amazing with my sexual energy and how I moved, and asked me why I thought that was so. I said it was from years of masturbation, and maybe some natural talent. I know my body really well, and what I like. It's nice to get that feedback. I haven't actually been with someone that I've felt both comfortable with and attracted to, and certainly not since ... certain events in my life. So this is kind of amazing, to see how another person reacts to all my self-teaching and explorations.

"No thanks! I'm going home to masturbate!"

2008-02-16T14:04:00.000-08:00

Oh my LOL, this video is awesome: The Midwest Teen Sex Show: Masturbation (Female)

"Masturbation: The Anti-Drug!" So true! In that solo sex makes you feel good, and with a high like that at your fingertips, who needs to go out in search of excitement or empty fulfilment? And I have GOT to use the line "No thanks! I'm going home to masturbate!" sometime soon...

(Iiiiiinteresting how, in their list of podcasts in the iTunes store, masturbation is the only censored word. It reads "m***********n."

Is that word really censored in iTunes? How sad.)

And here's the male version: Beatin' it.

The best relaxation exercise

2008-02-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

There's a cultural stereotype that it's the guy who falls asleep after sex (showing him to be selfish and unconcerned for his partner) and that it's the woman who is looking for snuggles and post-coital reassurance and bonding. Not that I don't enjoy the former, but if my solo-sex is any indication, I myself am inclined to fall fast asleep after (mind-blowing, physically exhausting) sex, as well.

So it makes me giggle each time I fall asleep after masturbating (which if often). Like just now, I had the apartment to myself for a short time, so I took the opportunity to be loud (yay loud!). I positioned myself on the floor of my bedroom, instead of my bed, as the hard floor ensures a better 'workout,' forcing me to use my stomach and other muscles when I inevitably squirm around and flex and twist. And afterward, I just deflated. Think slow-motion head-falling-down, crashing on the carpet, head lolling, eyes shuttered asleep, still for finite moments. My entire body was relaxed.

I do these relaxation tapes a few times a week to try to teach my body to unwind (as, on some very deep level, my body is wound incredibly tightly and I've been trying to work on that). So a few times a week for 45 minutes I lay in my bed and concentrate on different parts of my body in an effort to relax. It helps, but I can never get each muscle to let go, to completely resist its normal impulse.

But after my climax just now? I fell down into a yoga-corpse position and my entire body just surrendered to the bliss of what I was feeling. My facial muscles especially felt like released elastic, gravity pulling them outwards and down, my own little mini-facelift. Those forehead muscles that I can never seem to relax feel completely supple right now. My back is also always very tight, and when I can finally fully relax, the little curve in my lower back completely flattens and my whole body feels heavy and like every pore is being weighted down.

What I normally (almost) achieve with a 45-minute tape, I achieved in about 15 minutes of jilling off. Not bad.

And that's why I sleep. Why not enjoy that feeling for as long as possible?

I suppose I wasn't exactly sleeping as I lay there, but I would forgive a partner for assuming so, as still and dreamy as I was. I would have been happy to nap for a few minutes or more (and often have), letting dreamscape fantasies fold me up into their arms and take me to a place of warmth and safety.

In Search of Clit

2008-01-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

In one of my retroactively amusing sex stories, I remember my high school boyfriend being quite shocked when I didn't go gaga over his targeting of my clit during oral sex. He'd dated a girl before me who loved that, and he thought he was in on some big secret - the ON switch for the female sex. He expected to drive me wild.

But this was years before my own sexual awakening; so I just lay there, wondering what the fuck he was so excited about. After a couple of minutes, he voiced frustration and gave up. "I don't get it," he'd say. "All women are supposed to love that." I shrugged, "It does nothing for me." I expect that posed a philosophical conundrum to him for years. He might still be chewing on that one, in fact.

What makes me so delighted at this memory now, is that I now LOVE clit play. I don't necessarily think he was doing anything "wrong" back then, but clearly something happened between the time I was with him (and other boys) and the night I brought home my first vibrator.

I had been at a Good Vibrations play party, like a tupperware party but with dildos and very giggly women. We were shown a number of sex toys, passed them around (we didn't try them out - it wasn't THAT kind of party) and bought items at the end of the night if we were interested. I was a poor student, so I didn't have the money for a purchase, but I did win the door prize - a tiny (thumb size) "bullet" vibrator. I didn't really see how such a small thing would do anything for me (for my usual sex toy at that time focused on insertion), but, hey, free! A friend lent me batteries from her disc man, and for that I am forever indebted.

Looking back, I often say thank GOD no one was home! Because almost instantaneously, once I touched the mini vibrator to my clitoris, I was screaming. I was absolutely gob smacked and wondered what the hell was going on, but I wasn't complaining. With almost no effort on my part (just the effort of holding the vibe there), my body was bucking and buckling and I couldn't help but scream my joy at these wonderful new sensations.

Now I actually have to work to orgasm - rubbing my clit with the vibe, twisting my hips. It's a great workout, really. But that first night was truly amazing because I really didn't move the vibe at all. It just sat there, and I was fucking going batshit nuts. Beautiful stuff.

And so I think back to my high school boyfriend and laugh. If only he knew. Poor guy.

Sealed with a kiss

2008-01-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I masturbate to reinforce a decision I've made. In that way, it's kind of like a prayer or some message to my subconscious or the universe - that I'm committed to this change of mind and I'm directing my intense sexual energy via this orgasm toward the fulfilment of it.

Today my commitment was toward not being such a schmuck when it comes to cute guys - to not be so tongue-tied around a crush to the point where I bolt from the room even when I have the PERFECT opportunity to talk to them. Guy who's interested in me? *flees* I'm sick of that pattern, and ready to embrace the big, scary world of opening myself up to another person. I am NOT in junior high anymore, and there's no crowd of tittering guy friends who are going to laugh when he tells them how lame I am.

I really, really would like to open my bedroom up to someone else at some point. So I prayed to the universe to let me no longer be afraid of my own sexuality in relation to another; to be calm and relatively collected around a crush; to let myself be vulnerable by actively inviting another person into my life, for however brief an instant.

And the orgasm? Fucking amazing. This shit works.

The first lovemaking skill we need to acquire

2008-01-22T15:11:00.000-08:00

[Nina Hartley, in her "Guide to Total Sex,"] says while we were born with the urge to masturbate, we weren't born knowing how. Masturbation is the first lovemaking skill we need to acquire.

"To become proficient at masturbation, you must familiarize yourself with your anatomy and its responses. Touch your genitals as often as you can. You're a grown-up now, and as long as you do so in private, there's no one to tell you not to," she says.

The better you know your body, the easier it will be to communicate to your partner what you like. And if you can't tell your partner, then show them.

"Guide their hands over your body, or let them see you masturbate. No one can do it quite the way you do. You know when, where, and how much pressure to apply, and they don't. But if you can teach them, it's always nice to be touched by someone else," says Brian Parker, who has a PhD in human sexuality.

Masturbation can also help to balance mismatched libidos in a marriage, serving as a night off for the person who doesn't want to have sex, he adds.

Masturbation may also decrease stress, increase relaxation and help you sleep better. It's also the safest sex there is, giving you 100 per cent protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

Says Parker: "Just like an apple a day keeps the doctor away, a Jack-off or Jill-off a day will keep the sex doc away."

As quoted here.

This is the part that I agree with most fervently: "Masturbation can also help to balance mismatched libidos in a marriage, serving as a night off for the person who doesn't want to have sex."

I have friends in serious, committed relationships who are deliriously unhappy and depressed about the sex they have with their partner. In the words of one friend, she loves her boyfriend and would take an intelligent man with a lousy sex drive over a dumbo who could fuck her sideways, but she still longs for good sex.

My suggestion? Take matters into your own hands, of course. But she was scandalized, she couldn't do that, how insulting would that be to her boyfriend?

Maybe I've just been single for way too long. But you know what? If you want to get off, get off. If your partner is sensitive about it, you might not want to pull out the dildo immediately after sex while sighing, "Well, that sucked." But surely you can do it alone, or have a frank talk with your partner, or just flirtily suggest a "new" sexual activity for you guys to try.

There is absolutely no way that I will be restricting my own self-love when I start dating regularly again. Even if I'm living with someone, I would be quite happy to say, "You have a headache? No problem at all. I'm really horny though, so I can go at it in here or the other room. What is your preference?" I can try to be quiet if they really have a headache. I'm not cruel.

But there's NO WAY I'm sacrificing regular, yummy orgasms under any circumstances. And the great thing about regular, awesome masturbation is that if I find someone who's amazing - but not quite the best in bed - I don't have to suffer. Or pressure them to please me. I can try to teach, but no big deal if they don't fully catch up to speed.

And anyway, the person I would want to be with would be open to experimentation and would certainly be thrilled to observe or at least respect my desire. I haven't tried this yet, but I even suspect that partner sex and solo sex are both great in their own, individual ways - and the best sex life is comprised of both.

In any case, be sure to live la vida voca!

Appointment masturbation

2008-01-22T14:41:00.000-08:00

It's finally sunk in that my roommate has classes on Tuesday and Wednesday nights this semester. Today I had rather a flirtatious encounter that had me fantasizing all afternoon. When I got home, I wondered where my roommate was, and then it hit - EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! The apartment is FREE for me to do with what I like for a few hours. Twice a week. Each week for the next few months.

I am going to be a VERY happy girl this spring.

Amazon brings the lulz

2007-10-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for lazy masturbation, just go for the Hitachi Magic Wand and forget about this toy.

- Source.

The Magic Banana

2007-10-20T20:14:00.000-07:00

Responding to a comment from someone who's never been able to find her g-spot: I highly recommend the Magic Banana! It will find your g-spot, even if you can't! Seriously, this thing's amazing.

Before discovering the Magic Banana, I only seldomly hit my g-spot with a long, hard vibrator that I used. Once I tried this quizzical-looking device out, though, WOW! It hits it directly and consistently, every time.

The Banana is actually yellow rope encased in clear plastic, doubled over and curved to look like a banana. It looks bizarre, truly. On the plus side, if people every find it you'd probably be able to convince them it's a strange jar opener from Sweden, or something. Just take it away from them before they start trying to use it on your jar of mustard pickles.

I bought a Magic Banana for a friend a few years ago. Looking at the website, she was sceptical. She pretty much told me she thought it looked like bullshit, but she'd try it out if I really wanted to send it to her. We didn't talk about it for a few months, and then one day I remembered to ask what she thought about it. Her reaction was a very abbreviated, "Um, wow. I never would have thought it could do that." Another satisfied customer.

To my knowledge, the device isn't well-known outside of Kingston, Ontario (where the creator lives). More information about the Magic Banana is in this news article. Also important: if you want to share this product with a friend but they aren't comfortable with the masturbation angle, the same product is sold as a medical aid in kegel exercises. At the same time, you masturbation lovers, it will strengthen your kegel muscles and help with all-around vaginal health!

So before you go on about how I have such an easy time climaxing and such... check out this product, because I'm sure you can too!

In time to the beat

2007-10-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

I’m back. Last month I got some new readers and I’d planned to invite a bunch of friends to start reading, and I think I scared myself. Which makes sense. I’m being very open and raw here, and partly I feel empowered and unashamed, but partly I feel horrified and nervous. But that’s okay. I think I’ve had my time in hibernation and I’m ready to come out again.

My roommate was gone for most of today, and I knew it was a great opportunity to get down and dirty (and, my favourite part, loud) before she got back. Thankfully this has become a habit – her leaving all day each Saturday – since normally we’re both home at the same time, and ... that’s awkward. Made more awkward because she’s actually said to me (re: partner sex) that it’s rude for someone to be loud enough that a roommate hears, that a person can have all the (partner) sex in their room that they want, as long as they’re quiet.

Well, hearing that back when we first moved in kind of concerned me. I can be quiet, I suppose, but loudness is directly related to pleasure for me. Maybe it sounds strange, but I think there’s a link between physically and vocally “letting go.” It’s hard to relax as much as you want to when you’re chanting in your head: “Don’t be loud. Don’t be loud. OMG did she hear that? Crap.” The effort and mental space you devote to that task directly affects the attention you pay to your body, and the physical rewards you receive.

Which is all to say: If I know she’s going to be out all day? Party time!

One thing I remembered this time (while blaring the radio to cover any stray noises for the neighbours, or in case she came home sooner than anticipated) was that I can match my orgasms to the beat of the music I’m listening to. I first noticed this a few years ago.

I was living in University residence and at that time I regularly employed music to cover up any sounds I made. I figured, it’s residence, there’s not going to really be any time when you can be certain the halls and rooms are empty, so you may as well blare music (like everyone else) and hope that takes care of any moans.

I even made a tape (yes, old school, a cassette tape) mix of radio songs to use. CDs suck at noise-covering due to the inevitable silences between songs (“I was just about to climax! FUCK”), and the radio isn’t much better. Climaxing while listening to an advertisement for winter tires? Not hot.

On the tape there was as little dead space as I could manage, and all the songs were very loud and full of energy. (How annoying is it when the next song is a quiet ballad, thwarting your sound-muffling efforts?) I ended up falling in love with a lot of the songs, as I listened to them over and over again – and with each “listen,” different lyrics would stick out to me. It was almost like trancing out, or a transcendental religious experience, when I’d feel horrible and hate myself and be crying into my vibrator, and the lyrics “IT’S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT” would carry over to me, repeat rhythmically, and I’d let the words and pulse wash out over me, soothing me, calming me, comforting me.

The coolest part of listening to music while masturbating, though, is when your body and the music get in sync. When the climax of the song matches your climax, and the soothing calm afterwards reflects your own. Sometimes I notice my body eagerly cozying up to the beats. "Ooh!" it’ll say, “the fast beats are coming up!” And it’ll speed up to go in time with that. Sometimes my climaxes come earlier than I would have expected due to this. Or they’re sublimely drawn out, in a wash of soothing beats and rhythmic crashes.

Music is a perfect match for sexual activity. It engages the mind and invites the body, on top of providing the very real convenience of telling any passers-by you're just simply rocking out (with your cock out)!

Masturbation = better sex!

2007-09-16T00:18:00.000-07:00

From GoodHousekeeping, one tip to help rekindle a woman's desire in sex is - you guessed it - masturbation!

Try self-stimulation to help loss of libido: "Women who are able to masturbate are more likely to be more satisfied with a partner and experience orgasm more consistently," says Koch. "It is a myth that if women enjoy masturbation, they won't want a partner — it's the reverse. You learn what feels good and you can express that to your partner, and guide your partner."

- Patricia Koch, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Biobehavioral Health & Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University and Adjunct Professor of Human Sexuality at Widener University

When the vibrator dies

2007-09-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hated is the moment your vibrator dies. It always happens, of course, when you're incredibly horny, your roommate has left the apartment for a few hours, and a few days have already gone by without getting yourself off. You grab your trusty vibe, insert the battery, and turn it on.

Except it doesn't turn on. Must be the batteries. Grab a new one, and -- NOPE! The vibe is just dead. Dammit.

So you settle for using the vibe without the batteries (because you can't get off just by fingers alone, you see). You keep wanting to turn it on, laugh to yourself, and decide to pretend you're backpacking Europe again, stealing a precious moment here and there where quiet is of the upmost importance.

You're sore. A vibrator without the usual buzz is merely a lump of plastic, though smooth and conveniently shaped. Rubbing against your clit isn't as satisfying as usual, and it takes a lot more work on your part. Your arm is sore, as your wrist is a lot more active than usual.

You're impatient. You're certainly not lying here like this for any longer than you have to, and hope that climax comes soon. The excitement dies, as this is a mere biological rub-off to make you feel better, nothing approaching the otherworldliness a working vibe can take you to.

Sigh. Rub. Repeat.

After a couple of (long, sore) minutes, you finally feel a spark of excitement. Your body tenses nicely, you feel warm. It's easier to set aside the discomfort and try to enjoy the moment. Thank god you climax quickly.

It comes. Your body convulses. Briefly, but enough. Not the best orgasm you've had this week, but it'll do. You feel more relaxed, though hardly satisfied.

But that's okay. The sex shop is just a mere 10 minute walk away. And you're already planning that particular shopping trip.

Mindblowing

2007-08-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've been having the best orgasms lately. I think it's a combination of a few things:

- There's been a little more activity than usual on the dating front over the last month or so. I got hit on a few times on my vacation, and even kissed, and I came back home deciding that I want to start dating. That decision was instrumental for me. I've always been good at the "Well, I didn't want to do that anyway!" mode of thinking, which probably didn't do much in dislodging the "fuck you" sign I've apparently had glued to my forehead for years. And I have a date this weekend. *blushes*

- I have a little wee (monstrously growing) crush right now on someone I see every day. Someone I really can NOT date. But it's fun, thrilling, even if it's all just in my head. That's the body's largest sex organ, after all.

There has been absolutely no physical changes (in my toys, techniques, positions), so this upswing is most definitely centred in my mind.

How cool is that? Mental health has a qualitative affect on masturbation, and vice versa.

Help! I broke my clit.

2007-07-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

The problem with female masturbation, as I've mentioned before, is how little dialogue there is on the subject. Take this story as an example. It's about the risks of unusual masturbation methods and even talks about a medical condition (traumatic masturbatory syndrome). I got all excited before finding out that the scientific study the author cites focuses exclusively on men. The writer poses some questions about how this study might affect masturbators of the female persuasion, but I'm hesitant to apply male-specific research to women. As we all know, often studies that conclude one thing about the male physique will work completely differently when applied to women's bodies. It's important to have our own studies on our own bodies.

But in the meantime, let's go beyond posing questions and possibilities and offer up some personal experiences. Are there risks for women who masturbate in certain positions?

My favourite solitary sexual position is on my back - yes, basically the missionary position with my legs high in the air. That position didn't cause me any problem for a long time - but then I developed an injury from it. I was in a lot of pain - while masturbating as well as in my day-to-day life - for nearly a year, and it took another year for it to heal. I was okay to walk and do most things, but when it was at its worst, I couldn't lift my right leg higher than a few inches.

This happened most obviously one day when I was visiting my dad. The truck he had at the time was very high off the ground, and getting into the passenger seat, I literally could not pick my leg up high enough to pull it in. I had gotten myself on the seat with my left leg, but my right leg dangled out of the side of the truck, limp. I tried to pull it up a few times with my own muscles, but my leg would go up an inch or two and no more. My solution was to awkwardly use both my hands to pull my right leg into the truck.

This had looked very strange to my dad, I'm sure, so I decided to say something. Something very very vague. I told him I'd developed an injury from something and wasn't sure what to do about it. My dad suggested stopping the action that was causing the injury, and I just smiled inwardly - there are many things I would give up in order to have a happy, working body, but regular masturbation is certainly NOT one of them!

The changes I did make were to favour my left leg - let that one fly high in the air, and try to prop my right leg and hip up with pillows. Or let my right leg lay flat for most of my session (which can last from 10-60 minutes), just bringing it up for a couple of minutes at a time to help me achieve clitoral orgasm. (Yes, I really do need to be in that exact position - missionary with both legs in the air - to climax. It makes masturbation while travelling VERY complicated, let me tell you!)

That's really all I did, and it must have worked, because after a year I was no longer in pain. For another year or so I noticed that the right leg would get sore if it was held up too long, and so I would compensate, but for the last couple of years I've experienced no pain and the leg is fine being held in the air for long periods of time.

The healing of this injury baffles me, as I feel too shy to talk about it with anyone but I'm very curious about what was going on and why it has healed so well. Did my muscle just eventually get stronger and now it can hold that weight more easily? Did my stomach muscles strengthen so that I'm using those more instead of relying on my legs?

I wonder how many other women have experienced these silent injuries they don't feel they can talk about. Are there certain positions more prone to causing injury than others? Can women develop "traumatic masturbatory syndrome," and if so, how is it different than the male version, and what can we do to prevent it?

In my case, I don't think the missionary position would be considered an "unusual masturbation method" for women, yet I did develop an injury from it. I doubt it would fit the description of "traumatic masturbatory syndrome," but it does raise questions about masturbation injuries in general.

I have many friends who have injured themselves while having partner sex, and they go so far as to brag about it (a friend of mine broke his ribs while having sex in the shower!), but I don't know anyone who would brag about a masturbation injury. How about we start a trend?

"Hey, Jane, guess what? I sprained my wrist last night, but it was SO worth it. Best orgasm I've ever had!"

Weeds: Masturbation Lesson

2007-07-26T11:47:00.001-07:00

Speaking of my last post...

Not as simple as a dirty sock

2007-07-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

When I first discovered female ejaculate, I feared it was urine.

It took a women's-only masturbation mailing list to tell me that, no, the liquid wetting my bed while I enthusiastically inserted my vibrator was definitely NOT pee. At that point I had suspected as much, since my last experience was that I had run to the washroom right after masturbating, thinking, "Well, if I still have to pee..." The women on the mailing list confirmed it, and I've been struggling with how to pleasure myself regularly without ruining sheets and mattresses ever since.

Female masturbation is messy business. Men complain - brag, really - about how messy their own ejaculate is. There are numerous jokes about 'the wet spot' on the bed after partner sex, and I've known men to complain that they have to think about how to clean up after themselves after they jerk off. Well, hey, at least they can easily do so in the shower, or with a sock - those are some great solutions we've seen poked fun at in popular culture. And anyway, who says the wet spot on the bed came from a man?

The truth is, as a woman who ejaculates, our worries are much, much bigger and more pronounced. There are no raunchy movies with slap stick comedy scenes that, while potentially humiliating, might present me with a manageable solution to my ongoing problem. This topic isn't talked about in the wider culture. In fact, I don't think I've talked to anyone *ever* about this topic. So here I am, writing about it to myself on my own modest blog. You gotta start somewhere, right?

Actually, that's not true. I remember talking about this to some women on the masturbation mailing list. That was over 5 years ago now, and it died about 6 months after I got active, but other than some interesting talks with close friends, it serves as my only contact with other frank, masturbating females. To be honest, though, many of the women there intimidated me. If they were to be believed, they masturbated 20 times a day, were masturbating while talking to me right now, and if they did 'wet the bed' they reveled in it and weren't ashamed of the mess it made. No, it was cool, it was hot, and they didn't need to worry about it.

An admirable attitude, but in the practical day-to-day, give me a break. I'm not going to come all over my sheets and not wash them - so do I wash them once a day? I'm not going to come all over my mattress - what the hell do you do with that? Yuck. The stains that show my mistaken splashes are bad enough, let alone vigorously letting myself go at it as often as I want, whenever I want.

Maybe they didn't really know what I meant. Perhaps they thought I meant a teaspoon of liquid - annoying, perhaps, but not exactly alarming. No, no. I really do mean gushing torrents. I can soak half a large towel in a few minutes. Really. I am NOT doing that damage to my mattress!

So what has been my solution? I used to routinely drag out the trusty towel and a large plastic bag. Put the plastic bag down first, then the towel, and position myself accordingly. That would get most of the gush, and you just have a towel to clean in the morning.

I got tired of doing that regularly. Complicated by the fact that when I let myself gush - i.e. use the toy that gloriously targets my g-spot - I want to be LOUD, and that's very hard to hold back on even if you have housemates sleeping nearby. So the last few years I've let myself do this less and less, and it's frustrating. I settle on clitoral stimulation with a small vibrator, with some satisfying insertion, but it's not to the level that I need or desire.

So you can now better understand when I say: I am really envious of guys who can just jerk off in the shower and wash the mess away, or whip a sock over themselves and daintily hide the evidence in literal and metaphorical dirty laundry.

Achoo!

2007-07-03T01:26:00.000-07:00

Masturbation as burp... or sneeze? (Read the comments too.)

Best t-shirt ever

2007-07-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

Seen at Pride festivities in one of the largest cities in the U.S.:

Doctor approved

2007-06-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

“Masturbation has never given anybody an STD, never gotten any girl pregnant… and you always know that you’re having sex with somebody you love.”

“We know that more than 70-80% of women masturbate, 90% of men masturbate, and the rest lie.”

- Dr. Joycelyn Elders, former US Surgeon General

High-class yoni

2007-06-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know that I would pay $250 for a vibrator even if I was so -- ahem -- financially well-endowed. But I admit these limited-edition vibes designed by Tank Girl and Gorillaz artist Jamie Hewlett are pretty cool. (My favourite.)

Masturbation: more deadly than war

2007-06-23T00:54:00.000-07:00

The funniest anti-fapping propaganda I've seen in a while:

[Masturbation] has even been documented to cause more deaths among boys in Europe than any plaque or war.

O RLY? And how does that work, exactly? LOL.

Seriously, read the whole article. Charmingly out-of-date and hysterically nonsensical. 98% of men masturbate, and many men die! And get cancer! Therefore: masturbation causes death, and cancer! IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

Ouch!

2007-06-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

"In the second half of the nineteenth century, and over a period of ten years, the British surgeon Isaac Baker Brown performed clitoridectomies - removal of the clitoris - at his clinic, the London Surgical Home for the Reception of Gentlewomen and Female of Respectability Suffering from Curable Surgical Disorders. Science sanctioned these excisions using the convenient 'theory' that removing the clitoris could cure conditions as varied as incontinence, uterine haemorrhaging, hysteria, and mania brought on by masturbation.

While cutting out the clitoris was seen as one way of preventing women from masturbating, in the US, cornflakes king J.H. Kellogg had another remedy. He advocated pouring 'pure carbolic acid to the clitoris,' if girls would not stop pleasuring themselves. It is hard to imagine how anyone could have envisaged that such a cruel and damaging act could be in any way good or healthy for a person.

These attitudes toward the clitoris and female sexual pleasure were found elsewhere in the west. Swiss anti-masturbation doctor Tissot pushed propaganda claiming that female masturbation was responsible for clitoral scabbing, and other female 'problems'. According to him, these included vapours, hysteria, incurable jaundice and a uterine fury that, 'depriving them of their modesty and reason, reduced them to the level of the most lascivious of brutes'."

- Catherine Blackledge, The Story of V: Opening Pandora's Box. London: Wiedenfeld & Nicolson, 2003. [italics mine]

Top Masturbation Movies

2007-05-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

I don't actually have a list. Yet.

But I just watched a movie which had some hysterically fabulous masturbation scenes. A married woman (Parker Posey) who's never had an orgasm gets her first vibrator. Later her husband (Paul Rudd) comes home to his wife's exhuberant screams, and he rushes up the stairs to the bedroom in a panic, thinking she's convulsing in pain. Then he stares in disbelief when he sees that his wife has finally achieved orgasm, just not with him. She completely ignores his presence, and he leaves, dejected. They break up soon after.

Later in the movie, she's become "addicted" to her vibrator. (That was one aspect I didn't like. What the hell does that mean?) She goes to a sex shop and buys 7 pairs of vibe underwear for each day of the week. In her car, she rigs them up to go "off" when she gets a cell phone call, and calls herself as a test, then giggles madly. She wears them to work (oops) and right in the middle of her Big Important Presentation, her husband is in an emotional nic fit and decides to call her over and over again. She convulses all over the boardroom of course, and everyone thinks she's sick. She assures them she has food poisoning and they buy it (really??). After she checks her messages, she realizes that her husband has finally given her an orgasm.

The movie is called The OH in Ohio. Get it?

What are your favourite nominees for Best Masturbation Movie? (Preferrably female, since that's much less represented, but interesting and thoughtful movies on male masturbation are welcome too.)

Let's get a list going! I'll add more here as I think of them.

Masturbate-A-Thon

2007-05-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

May 26th is the 7th Annual Mastubate-A-Thon.

The event site will be divided into three areas: a place for women, for men and a mixed-gender room. Only part of each room will be webcasted to give privacy to those who are less exhibitionistic. For their efforts, the participants will be rewarded in categories ranging from Longest Time Spent Masturbating to Most Orgasms, with a new category added this year: Greatest Ejaculation Distance.

I live no where near San Francisco, but this sounds equal parts intriguing and horrifying. I love the idea of the rewards (hee!), but the thought of masturbating in front of other people... Wow. Not sure I could do that. It would be fascinating, but I have no idea if I'd get there and absolutely love it, or get cold feet and high tail it out of there. Likely the latter.

I'm curious whether the Masturbate-A-Thon is confined to that one event in SanFran only, or if everyone's encouraged to participate in their own bedrooms and backyards... 'Cause I can totally do that.

So true

2007-04-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

Eighty to ninety percent of women never know what orgasm is. They can give birth to children; that is another thing. They can satisfy the man; that is also another thing. But they themselves are never satisfied. So, if you see such bitterness in woman all over the world - sadness, bitterness, frustration - it is natural. Their basic need is not fulfilled.

- OSHO, from Tantra, Spirituality, and Sex

I never thought I was cutting edge

2007-04-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Recently I made online friends with a woman who blogs about sex - very adventurous, kinky sex. We both share an interest in writing, and writing about our own (partnered and non-partnered) sex lives.

In a recent post, I was quite shocked to read how she was just starting to explore the art and supreme awesomeness of solo masturbation. She revealed how she felt guilty, to pleasure herself without her partner (though she had his full blessing) and that her puritan upbringing made her severely uncomfortable with the mere idea of masturbation. Her experiences so far have been gratifying, but still awkward and she's trying to grapple with why she feels this way and be comfortable exploring her own body without someone else present.

This was shocking to me because, well, I seem to be her polar opposite. Just as she is extremely experienced and confident and comfortable with partner sex and the many kinks that can be explored with another person, I am fantastically enthusiastic about my own private (VERY private, hah) sex life. But partner sex? Kinda freaks me out right now. I have recently figured out why - related to bad experiences that I will get into in a later post. Dating and relationships in general freak me out, so I'm sure those issues are related too. But then I see this confident experienced woman, and it bowls me over to realize not everyone is as gung-ho about masturbation as I am.

A related thought: I find it supremely weird that I feel less horrified at the thought of my roommates overhearing partner sex than solo sex. I honestly don't know why. Maybe because partner sex is less frequent (in my experience anyway) and there's an element of "Good for you!" pride. And I'm sure the shame that surrounds masturbation affects my attitude. Partner sex is definitely more valued and tolerated, and this makes me sad. Masturbation really is important, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Now if only I had the same attitude about partner sex. :)

Voulez-vous voyeur avec moi ce soir?

2007-04-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Is it exhibitionist if I imagine my face being videotaped while I masturbate, and that previous lovers/current crushes/random people who think I'm hot are watching?

Masturbation: a fact of life

2007-03-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I'm just breaking this blog in. Not sure what to say, really. I have a lot of big ideas but I'll let my entries speak for themselves. In brief, I am a single woman hoping to practice my writing skills by posting about my sex life online.

How on earth does a single woman have a sex life, you may ask. No, I'm not into cheap sex and in fact it's been years since I've even remotely thought partner sex was a possibility. And I'm at peace with that. No, the sex I'm talking about here is what Betty Dodson calls "sex for one". The oft-not-talked-about, mysterious and taboo topic of female masturbation. We're taught to think that it's shameful and wrong (and that women don't do it at all!), but it's just a common part of every day life that should be no more mysterious or forbidden than taking a shower.

Some benefits of masturbation: it increases self-confidence and self-awareness; it is a great stress reliever; it's fabulous exercise (great for the stomach!); and it's a great way to get to know your body and what sexual activities you like best (which can then be experienced with a partner later). Best of all, you're not dependent on another person to fulfill this need. Just like most of our basic needs should be, we can satisfy ourselves and make ourselves happy; if another person comes along and adds even more to that pleasure, so much the better.

What are some other benefits of masturbation (male or female)? Post your thoughts in the comments.

Stay tuned! I plan to post many thoughtful essays on this topic. This is not a porn site by any means; I simply want a forum to discuss this topic in a straightforward, frank manner and help to demystify what I think is a very important issue. Human sexuality should not be taboo.